Although the crew of the starship Enterprise have gotten themselves into some pretty hairy scrapes over the years, I can’t say I ever fretted for their safety the way I did with the characters in Sunshine (2007). The poor sods seemed to be living on a perpetual knife-edge as they piloted their fragile, barely-shielded spaceship towards a dying sun, in the hope of somehow reigniting it (!?) with a nuclear bomb.

Now, first things first… if you’re planning a perilous mission involving the Sun and some sort of flying vessel, it’s probably a bad idea to name that vessel after a mythical character who’s major claim to fame is that he arrogantly flew too close to the Sun on makeshift wax-and-feather wings, which then melted off his arms, sending him spiralling down into the sea to drown. It’s just not a very auspicious name, is what I’m saying. Even worse, after losing contact with the first “Icarus” once it began its final approach, the morons running this mission decided to launch a second craft to complete the bombing run, and called it “Icarus II”! Gah! Why not just call it “Doomed to Fail” or “Lost Forever” or “The Magnificent Suicide Machine”!?

Nonsensical names aside, I did find the first half of this film properly tense and suspenseful, as the long-confined crew tried to keep a lid on their cabin fever, bickering and bouncing off each other like pinballs, under the unblinking eye of the daystar, glowering through their viewport like an angry god-of-hellfire. The space-walk sequence was particularly nerve-wracking, with the astronauts lumbering around in their golden suits, desperately trying to stay in the shadows, while they made repairs to the outer hull. Unfortunately all that well-constructed conflict and claustrophobia is blown straight out the airlock when they catch up with their predecessors’ (seemingly deserted) ship, and pick up a batshit-crazy stowaway, who turns the whole thing into a jerky, blurry slasher flick. I understand that director Danny Boyle was going for a deliberately “surreal” effect in these scenes, but even with the clearest, calmest cinematography in the world, the sudden and inexplicable appearance of a zealous serial killer would still have been a pretty jarring (and rather silly) gear-change. I did find the final scene on Earth quite moving, and overall I thought it was a very beautiful movie to *look* at… I just wish it had been as pleasing to the brain as it was to the eyes.

The ship’s crew comprised six men to two women, so apparently there hadn’t been much progress made on the gender equality front by 2057… and most of the meaty action was taken by the testosterone-fuelled male characters, so we didn’t even get to see the best of the quality actresses cast in these thankless supporting roles. Despite greatly enjoying her work in Bridesmaids, I totally failed to recognise Rose Byrne here, playing the ship’s pilot, ‘Cassie’ . To be fair, she did get a few funny lines, but her main function was really to play cheerleader/damsel-in-distress for the movie’s hero (Cillian Murphy… who’s certainly pretty enough to be a woman, but doesn’t technically qualify). Butt-kicking “Bond Girl” Michelle Yeoh got even less to do as the ship’s biologist, ‘Corazon’, whose sole raison d’être is removed once the on-board oxygen garden is burned to ashes by a stray sunbeam (I’m still not totally clear on how that happened, but… let’s not worry about it now, eh?). Meanwhile, the ship’s plot-hole-prone computer was voiced by Chipo Chung, who also had a recurring role as Eva Green’s handmaiden ‘Vivian’ in Camelot.

Speaking of shows that were cancelled too soon, the style of this movie really reminded me of Defying Gravity, which came out two years later. Apparently the first (and only) season was released on DVD earlier this year… so I’ll have to keep an eye out for that, now that I’ve got b-day money coming my way.

Sarah Silverman

Despite a guest appearance by the increasingly ubiquitous Will.i.am, I thought this was a very funny song… and the accompanying video could stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the musical intervals in Jesus Is Magic (which I still rate as the zenith of Comedy as an art form… because I’m peculiar like that).

Note: According to the ABC site, these episodes will turn back into a pumpkin (i.e., stop streaming) on June 2nd, so get ‘em while they’re hot!

Aside from the seasonal end of various sitcoms, this week also saw the epic feature-length finale of CBS’s sublime crime-procedural Elementary… which went out in a blaze of nail-biting, heart-breaking, bee-breeding awesomeness!

I could say I’d guessed the double-barrelled twist regarding Irene Adler’s true identity a long time ago, but that would be a bit of a fib. As soon as her name came up, and Sherlock identified her as his late, lamented One True Love, it was pretty obvious that the writers were planning to bring her back in some form or other… and there’s an irresistible irony in the idea that his long-lost Soulmate could also be his present-day Nemesis… so, I’d certainly toyed with it as a vague possibility, but I was never certain enough to risk any actual cash money on that outcome (assuming that high-street betting shops even took such geeky wagers).

As it is, I thought the reveal was played with remarkable panache. At first the casting of an English actress as an American-woman-living-in-England seemed slightly ridiculous, and her accent did become a bit of a distraction… but then, of course, it’s revealed that the character was a native Englisher all along, and was simply playing a very long con, so it made far more sense in retrospect. During the first half of the story, I was concerned that “Moriarty” would remain an omniscient, omnipotent, elusive Evil, which would never take tangible, physical form… so, again, it was quite a cathartic relief when she not only dropped her felonious façade, but also stumbled into a trap set by the legendary crime-fighting duo of Holmes *and* Watson! I wouldn’t have minded if Sherlock had relapsed for real, and then carried that burden with him over into the next season… but then we would have been denied his miraculous hospital bed “recovery”, as he schooled his outfoxed adversary on the dangers of underestimating the inestimable Joan Watson. Sherlock’s pride in his companion’s accomplishment made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside… and then the closing scene with them bonding over the bees was the icing on the cake of a truly fantastic first season. I LOVE THIS SHOW SO FRICKIN’ MUCH!!!

Oh, and a hearty pat on the back to Natalie Dormer, both for her sterling work here as ‘Irene Adler’/ ‘Moriarty’, and in Game of Thrones as ‘Margaery Tyrell’. The chances of her becoming Queen and enjoying a long, peaceful reign are pretty slim, I know… but for the moment at least, it’s fun to watch her slink her way through the political snake-pit of King’s Landing, while also taking time out to show compassion for poor, silly Sansa. Bless.

As the American TV networks announce all their shiny new shows at the industry upfronts, three of my regular lunchtime amusements ground to a halt this week:

Bob’s Burgers went from strength to strength in its third season, kicking off in fine style with “Ear-sy Rider”, an episode that saw Louise lose her iconic bunny ears to an obnoxious bully, and enlist the assistance of a fearsome biker gang to get her beloved head-wear back again! Seeing the tiny terror tic and grimace away under a plain grey hoodie, as she tried to keep a lid on the wailing grief and fury brewing inside her was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen on this show… until ep. #3.21 (“Boyz 4 Now”), when Louise attended a boy band concert and developed an involuntary crush on the youngest member of the group. Her raging self-disgust and sadistic desire to slap his beautiful face was pure comedy gold, and Kristen Schaal surpassed herself on the vocal front, aided by the expressive animation that accompanied her tumultuous torment. Elder sister Tina also had a pretty stellar season, ever-so-slowly crashing the family car in “Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks” (ep #3.7), bonding with the spirit of Edison’s electrocuted elephant in “Topsy” (#3.16), and going on a fast-talking, espresso-fuelled bender (and subsequent withdrawal jag) in “The Unnatural” (#3.23). In between these stand-out episodes were countless others stuffed with hilarious gags, touching moments of family bonding, and catchy musical numbers accompanied by adorable dancing … which all added up to making this my favourite sitcom of the year. Yay!

Giving BB some serious competition for that title was the second season of New Girl, which went out on a high note, with a full-blown Indian wedding, an escaped badger (“He’s not rabid, he’s just kind of a dick.”), and a romantic dilemma for Schmidt. I’m so glad they’ve kept Merritt Wever in the mix as ‘Elizabeth’, because those two do make a very sweet couple… but ‘Cece’ does have the advantage of being a main character, rather than just a recurring guest star… and it has to be said Hannah Simone was looking mighty fetching in her bridal outfit this week. I was getting quite antsy towards the end of the episode, concerned that the writers were actually going to let Jess and Nick abort their budding romantic relationship (if only for the sake of a double-cliffhanger)… so I breathed a deep sigh of relief when I realised that the finale was going to end with another one of their trademark steamy make-out sessions. Hotcha! This has been a very strong year for the show, which deepened, twisted and tested the dynamic between the central characters, while also making room for sterling supporting turns from the likes of Parker Posey, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kali Hawk, Brenda Song, Olivia Munn, Carla Gugino and June Diane Raphael, among others. Kudos.

This time last year I was most looking forward to the debut of Mindy Kaling’s The Mindy Project… but I must have set my expectations too high, because the freshman season never even came close to meeting them. I thought the finale was amusing enough, and I’ll never tire of watching Kaling as a performer, but it also featured a particularly egregious example of the writers crowbarring Morgan into scenes he has no logical reason to be in, just for the sake of some wacky comic business. Hopefully during the hiatus Kaling & Co. will be able to get their shizzle together, and come back strong for their sophomore year.

In the meanwhile, there’s another season of Stevie TV scheduled to start on May 31st, and a new sitcom starring Ugly Betty’s Becki Newton, called The Goodwin Games, premiering on May 20th. Plus plenty other box-fresh shows I haven’t read up on yet. Fun!

To keep me inspired while writing a sorta-sci-fi script, I decided to work my way through the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I was a big fan of the show back in my student days, but haven’t watched it since it first aired on TV. Overall, I found it quite enjoyable, and I admire its noble intentions, even if the whole venture seems rather quaint and stuffy compared to a show like Farscape, which was aimed at an older audience and featured a far less disciplined and diplomatic crew.

In theory, my fave Starfleet lady should be ‘Lt. Natasha “Tasha” Yar’, the short-haired, spunky, no-nonsense Chief of Security… but the actress who plays her, Denise Crosby, simply doesn’t project the kind of kick-ass qualities that the part really required. It’s not that I think Crosby is a bad actress per se, but I think it’s rather telling that she was initially a favourite for the role of the ship’s touchy-feely counsellor, ‘Deanna Troi’, until Marina Sirtis replaced her, and she was shuffled back into the deck. According to Yar’s page at Memory Alpha (an online Trek-related wiki), the character was inspired by ‘Vasquez’ from the 1986 film Aliens, and her original name was going to be “Macha Hernandez”… but somewhere along the line they chucked out the butch Latina concept, and made her a petite Ukrainian chick instead. Boo to that! Of course, my go-to-fantasy-casting choice, Michelle Rodriguez, would have been way too young to play the part at the time… but it’s still fun to dream, right? Crosby ended up leaving the show before the end of the first season, frustrated by how little she was given to do… and they punished her for jumping ship by giving her character one of the lamest, limpest death scenes of all time: Killed by a burst of inexplicable, invisible psychokinetic energy, emitted by a giant, “evil” ink spot. Meh.

As for Troi, on a purely superficial level, I was struck by how cute Sirtis looked back in the day*… although I did cringe a little every time she made some pointlessly vague and obvious observation regarding the emotional state of another character. My favourite, laugh-out-loud example comes from ep #1.25 (aka “Conspiracy”), following a short conversation via the main viewscreen between ‘Cpt. Picard’ and a trio of Starfleet Admirals, who he suspects of being mixed up in something fishy. He asks for Troi’s professional, Empathic take on the interaction she’s witnessed, and she helpfully declares: “I sense that someone is hiding something, but I can’t tell who or what.” Yeah… cheers for that! I do appreciate the fact that Starfleet has made room for a New Age-y therapist on board their big fancy flagship, and even given her a seat alongside the captain… but I can’t help thinking she’d be a damn sight more useful if she had full access to her Betazoid mind-reading powers, rather than just being able to smell auras, or whatever the hell it is she does. Tch!

Which just leaves the Enterprise’s chief medical officer, ‘Doctor Beverly Crusher’, played by Gates McFadden. She’s a smart, strong-willed redhead, with killer cheekbones and a solid sense of humour, which scores her big points in my book… and I do enjoy the great dynamic she develops with Picard over the season… but it’s impossible to overlook the fact that she also gave birth to ‘Wesley Crusher’, one of the most despised characters in science fiction history! Rewatching the series, I can’t help feeling sorry for Wil Wheaton, the poor sod who had to bear the real-world brunt of all that fan-loathing. I think he actually came across as a very charming, likeable actor… and if they’d written Wesley as a slightly dorky kid who turned up every four or five episodes to geek out over some new bit of equipment or get himself into trouble, he could have been a much loved “comic relief”/”damsel-in-distress” character. Instead they chose to make him an irritating and ubiquitous little prodigy, who regularly outsmarts every adult aboard the ship while wearing some of the fugliest outfits imaginable. Thankfully they eased off the Wesley-pedal in the latter half of the season, but the damage had already been done… in retrospect, it’s quite shocking to see how much screentime he gets in comparison to ‘Lieutenant Worf’, who went on to become a firm fan-favourite, and even appeared in four seasons of Deep Space Nine after his stint aboard the Enterprise!

So, all that being said, I’d have to say that my favourite female character of this season has to be… uh… the ‘Female Klingon’ (aka “K’chiQ”) seen in ep #1.10 (‘Hide and Q’), and portrayed by an uncredited stuntwoman named Faith Minton. She’s magicked out of the air by the godlike-entity known as ‘Q’, and tries to seduce Worf into having snarly Klingon sex with her right there on the bridge, in front of the whole senior crew… but then he spurns her, and she returns to the ether from which she came. She was the first female Klingon to appear on the show, and it made me sad they didn’t include one of her kind as a regular character in this series, or any of the spin-offs (yes, there was ‘Lt. B’Elanna Torres’ in Voyager… but she was only half-Klingon, and I don’t remember her being anywhere near as much fun). Apparently Minton’s biggest claim to fame is playing the title role of “Hurricane Rosy” in a wrestling-based rom-com opposite Gerard Depardieu! Sadly that flick doesn’t seem to be available in any format, in any country…

I should also give a shout-out to Picard’s long-lost love, ‘Jenice Manheim’, who pops up in ep #1.24 (“We’ll Always Have Paris”), decades after he stood her up at a Parisian cafe and ran away to outer-space! It wasn’t until I looked her up that I realised the part was played by Michelle Phillips, of singing-in-The-Mamas-&-the-Papas fame!

Embarrassing fact: I giggled like an idiot when I saw that the DVD menu screens were set out like the control panels on the Enterprise’s computers. Episode… ENGAGE! Tee hee.

———–

* She’s still damn cute, actually.

I was also glad to see The Great British Bake Off win the Best Features category… but the highlight of the evening for me has to be the hilariously graphic introduction that Romola Garai gave, when presenting the Best Actor in a Comedy Programme award. She casually announced that after giving birth to her daughter (in March), she had to have 23 stitches in her vagina, and didn’t think she’d be able to laugh again for a very long time… but these funny fellas had proved her wrong! The gag was so totally out-of-the-blue and inappropriate for such a fancy occasion… she is now my idol. Love her.

Far less upsetting was the news that Smash has also been cancelled, after a rather dismal second season. I didn’t watch it myself, but I have been reading weekly episode reviews, and indulging in some vicarious schadenfreude. I know a lot of people liked to “hate-watch” the show, but I was always more of a “hope-watcher”…  the show had such a great setting, and such a stacked cast, that I kept willing the writers to free their cast from the mire of romantic melodrama, and find a more suitable way to showcase their musical and comedic skills… but it just never happened. Megan Hilty deserves to be a superstar, but the show kept trying to sell ‘Karen’ as ‘Ivy’s’ equal (or even her superior… as if!), and that never made a lick of sense to anyone outside of the cock-eyed fictional universe they’d created. So, lower the curtain… dim the marquee lights… etcetera…

[Note: The New Normal - Season One (and only) will be released on DVD in the UK, on September 30th. Still no sign of a Don’t Trust the B---- in Apt. 23 release though… or Perfect Couples for that matter... *sniffle*]

The fact that her tempestuous, duplicitous love interest is played by a pre-pubescent boy can either be read as random wackiness, or a satire of the way that leading men in movies are often paired with much younger romantic partners. Either way, it’s funny to see a little kid pretending to shave and throwing a glass of scotch on the floor in frustration, dammit! In fact, I think the (NSFW) “Behind the Scenes” video might actually be funnier than the short itself, because you get to hear what Big S was saying to her tiny co-star, Chase Stewart, and how she directed him. Oh, and a shout-out to Brooklyn Silzer who plays the more age-appropriate “other woman” in this scenario… the face she makes when she first sees Stewart in the hotel lobby is straight-up adorable.

Now, any chance of this getting expanded to a full feature, a la Machete?