Ah well, if nothing else, this triple-pack has reminded me how much I dig Sarah Michelle Gellar. I probably shouldn’t admit this, but when her first scene in The Grudge came on, I thought “God, it’s nice to hear her voice again!” I’ve no idea why, I just really like the way she sounds… so it’s rather a shame she barely speaks at all in The Return (2007). In fact, she doesn’t really do anything especially memorable, despite supposedly being the main protagonist!
The way it’s summarised on the back of the box, the story sounds pretty solid: “Joanna Mills is haunted by increasingly terrifying visions where she can see and feel the brutal murder of a woman she’s never met. With her life spiralling out-of-control, she follows the relentless nightmares to an eerie small town… a place where secrets can’t be buried, a spirit seeks vengeance, and the horrific murder in Joanna’s visions may just be her own.” Crikey! Gripping stuff, right? Well, sort of… having watched the film all the way through, I can confirm that that’s a fairly accurate description of the basic premise… except that you never really get any real sense of her life “spiralling out of control”, because her life doesn’t really feel grounded in anything to begin with. Frankly the first half was kind of a grind to sit through… and I even had to shut it off at one point to take a little boredom break! I’m glad I stuck with it to the end though, because I actually quite like the way the loose ends were tied up, and the visions explained… but up until that point, everything was just disjointed and dull and lethargic… as if the movie had a hangover, and didn’t quite pick up until about mid-afternoon, when it’d finally drunk enough coffee to get a solid grip on the day. No surprise that this is the only one of the three discs in mint condition!
– After watching Step Brothers (2008), it’s very hard to take Adam Scott seriously in a dramatic role… especially when he’s committing an exceptionally idiotic and inexplicable sexual assault. They wouldn’t stand for that sort of behaviour at the Catalina Wine Mixer!
– Why the hell would anyone paint a seahorse mural on the inside of a barn? I mean, sure, it’s a handy reference point when you’re trying to locate the scene of a crime you’ve seen in a freaky vision… but other than that?
– I can’t decide whether I like SMG more as a blonde or a brunette. Does the Buffy sex-bot come with optional wigs? That might be a deal-breaker for me.