Blood and Biscuits

Melissa Rauch as ‘Summer’ in “True Blood”Unwilling to wait to see if the third season of True Blood would be shown on terrestrial television, a friend of mine decided to just buy the darn thing on DVD and watch it all in one go… and then when they were finished, they leant it to me! Hurrah! I won’t spoil any of the major story arcs here, because they’re far too twisty to get into… and the actresses I want to talk about only appeared in very minor, irrelevant subplots. Boo!

First up was Melissa Rauch playing ‘Summer’, an adorably upbeat bundle of sunshine who is introduced in ep #3.5 as Hoyt’s rebound girlfriend, after he was dumped by Jessica in the previous season. Bizarrely, Hoyt soon tires of her ample charms, despite the fact that she cleans and cooks for him without complaint, and even grants him permission to touch her boobs (in defiance of God’s wishes), because she knows he’s such a “sexual person”. Bless. Admittedly the constant chattering and obsession with carrying creepy dolls around might get a bit wearing after a while… but given a straight choice between cuddling up to her warm body in the daylight, or waiting around to get my neck chewed by a deathly-cold bloodsucker after dark, I’d definitely be “choosing life”! Rauch is probably better known for her role as Howard’s on-again-off-again girlfriend ‘Bernadette’ in The Big Bang Arielle Kebbel as ‘Charlene’ in “True Blood”Theory… and I have to say, I was very glad when she and Mayim Bialik were bumped up to series regulars… partly because it moves the show further away from its rather sexist origins, but mostly because they’re just really funny actresses. Which reminds me, E4 have started showing “new” episodes of TBBT here in the UK again after a mid-season hiatus, so I must remember to tune in this week!

Next up is Arielle Kebbel (of Grudge 2 fame) as ‘Charlene’, a con artist who appears in a brief flashback Sam has to his wilder, younger days in ep #3.10. Although her acting is top-notch, and she looks super-cute as always, it’s a frustratingly short and pointless appearance… so I have to assume the main reason for her taking the gig is that she has some sort of vampire fetish. How else can you explain the fact that she leant her talents to The Vampire Diaries, True Blood and Vampires Suck in such short succession? That gal’s a “fangbanger”, f’sure. No biscuits for her!

About Dee CrowSeer

A comic book writer with an interest in feminism, philosophy, and affirmative action. He/him.
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