Fan Disservice (A Slight Reprise)

[Contains prop guns loaded with live SPOILERS!]

Alona Tal as ‘Marti Gerritsen’ (as ‘Kelly Collins’ in “Cult”) in “Cult”For the last few weeks, CW has been burning off the six remaining episodes of Cult… and, because I’m a masochistic completist, I’ve been making myself watch the damn thing through to the bitter end. It was quite bracing, after the post-cancellation hiatus, to be smacked in the face with the show’s unique brand of irritating and insulting stupidity again… but I’ve already ranted about that at length, so let’s move on to fresh stupidities, shall we?

The most laughable element in retrospect is that the season’s Big Bad villain, didn’t really need to be a villain at all… it would have been perfectly possible for him to achieve his ultimate goal (to find out what happened to his crazy cult-leading father) through peaceful, legal means, considering he had a substantial amount of personal wealth, dashing good looks and ample charm, not mention a lifelong friend serving as a police detective, willing to go above and beyond the call of duty to help his cause. I mean, the supposed “heroes” of the series were able to uncover all sorts of clues regarding what happened to the cult in a couple of weeks, and they were F*CKING IDIOTS!!! So, there really wasn’t any need whatsoever for all the killing, lying and kidnapping. Guy could have just set up the “True Believers” club as a totally legit, public enterprise to help him identify the best puzzle-solvers among the TV show’s audience, had them sign a watertight confidentiality agreement, then set them to work solving the mystery… either with the aid of private detectives or the local police department (who really should have been investigating the case themselves, back in the day). If he was half as smart and well organised as he seemed to be, and wasn’t just a badly written villain on a crappy TV show, he would have seen how counter-productive and wasteful all the innocent bloodshed, brianwashing and abductions were, right from the start… especially since he inevitably found himself getting attacked by his own disenchanted followers, once the truth came out. And what possessed him to use his daughter to seduce sundry men along the way, I’ll never know! Gah!

Alona Tal as ‘Marti Gerritsen’ (as ‘Kelly Collins’ in “Cult”) in “Cult”The only bright spot in these final six episodes was a brief scene in which Alona Tal’s actress character (‘Marti Gerritsen’) was working out with a personal trainer, learning some self-defence moves after her nasty run-in with a stalker. Tal looks properly fit, and would probably make a pretty kick-ass action heroine… which makes it all the more infuriating that the faux-show-within-a-show wasn’t the real show to begin with, so we could see her taking down some perps on the regular!

In conclusion: The finale’s cliff-hanger, wherein it’s revealed that the first cult was actually killed off by an even bigger, meaner and more mysterious cult, who covet an ancient artefact resembling a TV remote control, makes me very, very glad this show was cancelled, and will never ever, ever, ever return. In the immortal words of Liz Lemon: Shut it down!

About Dee CrowSeer

A comic book writer with an interest in feminism, philosophy, and affirmative action. He/him.
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